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So, it's the last weekend, and I get my 3 days of end of the year relaxation. Of course, since a new year is about to roll over, I'm getting a bit contemplative about 2006. Did it go the way I wanted? What were some highlights and low points? Over all, 2006 wasn't too bad. It certainly was a better year than the last few. So, the highlights: visiting Amsterdam, meeting cool people (I'm hoping I can keep in touch with them), continuing the best relationship I could never have imagined, beach and mountain vacations, having my own little clubhouse, hosting cool parties but knowing when to give it all up. The lowpoints: losing my last ferret, getting into a mild fender bender, family drama, dealing with insane people, not finding a different job. So, by looking at the highlights versus the low points, it seems the 2006 treated me pretty well. This year probably ranks for lowest amount of tears fell, although I still shed the occasional ones for my daddy. And you may be wondering how I fared at achieving my resolutions for 2006. Well, looking back at what I said, some of it was ok, but as usual, I didn't really do everything I wanted to:
- to find an exercise program that works for me (and stick with it)
Well, I ordered the Yoga Booty Ballet program, and I really like it. The problem is that I lack discipline to stick with it as I should. I need to continue working on it.
- to enjoy life through photography (unlikely, but who knows)
I have done this a bit with some of the groups I'm in, but I haven't really been on top of it for important things. I didn't get any Christmas pictures, and I never take pictures of my family. This is why I lack many photos of my daddy. I always depended on other people to do it for me, and it always bites me.
- to be less hotheaded about situations I can't control
I've really tried to achieve this one by separating myself from situations that get my hackles up. I'm still a hothead, I'll admit it, but at least I'm actively working at being better about it.
- to become more organized and be a better housekeeper
This is never going to happen. I'm just too lazy. I'll get in my cleaning moods where I do a good job, but the lazy part of me doesn't keep up with it. I'll continue working on this, but I make no guarantees about my domestic ability.
- to keep in contact with my family more often
Well, this one really went in the tubes this year. There was some early drama that I had to deal with, but hopefully, it's all straightened out. I'm not a family person, which may be part of the reason why I don't want to have my own.
So, if I continue working on my resolutions from last year, what new ones should I make this year? The main thing I would like to do is actually get out of bed on time in the morning. I would love to have time to do a little exercise, cooking my sweetie some breakfast, and still get done with all my other chores. Most of the time, I lay in bed until the last possible moment, but there are occasions where I've accomplished this feat. I know I can do it...I just gotta stop being lazy.
- 12/29/2006
The year is winding down quickly, so I better get at least one more blog entry in. My holiday was nice. I spent Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with Cliff's family. All the hustle and bustle of travel really got to me, so I spent a good part of the day after Christmas just relaxing. But even in the midst of my relaxation, I'm proud to say that I finally cleaned the kitchen. Scrubbed from top to bottom, it's now a great kitchen to house all my new acquires. I got a lot of cooking stuff for Christmas, so I'm anxious to use them. Maybe I can make my low-carb cheesecake today. Or, maybe I'll wait. Either way, I'm really excited. But now that 2006 is ending, I'm looking forward to 2007. Some of my new friends have recently been trying to get my out of my hibernation mode, so I think I'm ready to face socialization again soon.
BTW, if anyone reading this is looking for a general practioner for medical care, check out my friend Dr. Chris Chao's new family practice in Raleigh. The number is 919-460-7777. It's a new practice he is building, so the prices should be good, and I can attest that he is a good doctor with good bedside manner. At least, that's what my bad sunburn told me to say of his services.
- 12/28/2006
My hibernation continues, and sometimes I start lamenting my personality. I don't really think there's anything wrong with me, per se, but because I have the tendency to shy away from friendships, I never get to enjoy girls' nights out, private invites (I get these occasionally), or other social gatherings. Cliff and I are so much alike. In general, we enjoy each other's company and don't worry too much about not hanging with others. But sometimes, I wonder why I'm not more girly. I guess it's because a group of girls together just screams "cat fight". Girls are so catty about each other and with each other. Frankly, I feel that I just don't have room for that in my life. The few girls I do hang out with are really cool, and don't usually engage in that. I'm slowly working my way out of hanging with strokers and attention hounds. And I'm being more particular about who I hang with, although I still look forward to meeting really cool people (as few and far between as they may be).
- 12/18/2006
I'm hibernating. I haven't grown fur or started living in a cave, but for all intents and purposes, I'm in hibernation mode. I'm here, but I'm really not. I've really been in bad hibernation at work. I come in, do my job, and barely speak to anyone around here. I know why that is...I don't like what I do, so I don't feel the need to befriend people. It's a little tiresome sometimes. I hear everyone else laughing and making plans, and I wish I could be like that. But no one made an effort with me when I made an effort with them, so I just stopped. I've been working the same job for over 5 years, and for a good 4 of those years, I've just been waiting to get out. And I keep waiting...and hoping. Maybe one day I'll get that job that challenges me. One that I don't dread going to in the morning. One where I wouldn't feel bad having to stay an extra hour so I could get lunch with co-workers. One that's closer to home. But everyday, I get just a little bit sadder, because I must just be trapped here. No one will give me a chance, so I keep coming to work at a place I don't like, falling deeper and deeper into hibernation.
- 12/12/2006
Do you know what small-town people do for kicks? They make fun of each other. Nothing is more pleasing than to meet a loved one's new friend or romantic interest and immediately make fun of that person in front of the newcomer. At least, that seems to be the norm in my family and with friends from my hometown. I've taken Cliff with me on several family visits, and it seems like everytime we go, someone brings up yet another humiliating tidbit from my childhood. It has also happened on occasion that old friends from high school would pick fun at me at how I used to be or otherwise try to embarrass me. I don't understand this need to try to humiliate someone. I don't think I do it, and if I do, it's never in the excess that it's done to me. It's no wonder that I don't have more friends or go home to visit my family more often. I get tired of the mental abuse.
- 12/7/2006
I have trouble looking people in the eye. I don't know why it is. I think that even with my outgoing demeanor, I'm still that shy little wallflower who got through the awkward high school years by avoiding contact with most people. I've grown some since then, and I feel like I'm pretty outgoing. But I avoid eye contact with people for the most part. Sometimes when I'm walking toward the bus to go home, I hear someone shout my name. And I always have that awkward moment of swiveling my head in the direction of the voice trying to see if it really is someone I know. After all, Stephanie is a pretty common name, and I hate making the mistake of just saying "hello" without knowing if it was directed to me. Maybe if I actually walked with my head up instead of eyes fixed on the ground in front of me, I would see the people without having to do the head-swivel. But that goes back to my "small talk" rant. I don't want to have to engage in conversation with everyone I recognize from here to wherever. When it comes down to it, I'm really anti-social. Sometimes, I don't mind it. Sometimes, it bothers me. But either way, I don't know how to "fix" it, and I'm not sure I want to. This may just be the lonely little girl speaking, but friends are sometimes more trouble than they're worth. I kinda like being on my own and not have to listen to the inane chatter of someone I don't like that much. That's probably why I don't get that many phone calls. I'm pretty sure I exude that kind of attitude as well. Oh well, right now isn't the time to fix myself. I'm in a job (or rather a location) I don't like, and I'm tired to organizing events for people who can't make decisions on their own. That's another rant, but it's interesting now that I think of it. For someone who admits they don't like making decisions, why do I keep trying to be involved in groups where I'm asked to organize events, upon which I'm the one who has to make all the decisions?
- 12/1/2006
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