Let's see how long this lasts. The blog queen is at it again. I've mentioned before in a previous post, but basically, I manage 3 blogs: this one, my Myspace one (which is just fun stuff), and a private one for my relationship with Cliff. I tried doing a "diet blog" a while back, but I couldn't keep up the momentum and all the posts started sounding the same. So, here I am again with another blog idea. Maybe this one will actually work. Basically, I'm doing a journal on my dreams. I know I've said it before, but I have nightmares (or at least disconcerting dreams) almost every night. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't remember them, but every morning I wake up with a feeling of unease because they stick with me. Without getting into too much analysis, I've created a dream blog to record worthy dreams. Maybe eventually with enough attention to them, they will go away. But I've been told by many people before that if you write your dreams down when you wake up, it may help you figure out why you're having them. We shall see.

- 1/31/2007


I cannot find my duck trait. You know what I'm talking about? The ability to let crap roll off my feathers. I don't have this ability, and I think it frustrates me. I concentrate too much on what other people do or their motives. The basic truth is that a majority of people are selfish, self-centered, or otherwise insecure. I try to avoid being any of these things, which is probably why it frustrates me when I find myself surrounded by it. And that is probably one of the main reasons for my current lack of a social life. Why should it bug me? I don't know, and trust me, it's a question I've asked myself a lot. I guess that it's not those people's own personality that bugs me, but rather it's the fact that other people feed that narcism. The selfish, self-centered people scream for attention, and there's always someone there to give it to them. I don't have to have attention, but I just get sick of hanging around with people who can't be without it.

- 1/30/2007


How do I spend my weekends these days? Well, without much fanfare. You know what bugs me, though? I don't like people accusing me of just shutting everyone out when no one invites Cliff or me anywhere. It's not just one person, it's anyone who's like "I haven't seen you in a while". Then freaking invite me out. Why do I always have to be the one to try to get people together? Why is it when other people get together they conveniently forget to invite Cliff and me then make all kinds of noise about never seeing us? It doesn't really matter to me. But I don't like guilt, and I don't like people making out like I'm avoiding everyone. If I don't want to hang with you, I'll say "no thanks". But you have to give me the option, or I'm just going to continue sitting home until I'm ready to get some people together. Otherwise, I will continue sitting at home, working on personal projects, and hanging out with my best friend. No one can blame me for being invisible if they treat me as such.

- 1/29/2007


Two weeks notice. Actually, I gave it on Wednesday because I got a job! One of the places I interviewed with on Tuesday called me up with an offer before Tuesday even ended. I took the evening and night to think about it and to talk to Cliff about it. Yes, it's for me. What's the job? It's an admin/CSR position with a marketing company in Raleigh. One of its most appealing aspects is the location. It's only about 2 miles from my place. I don't even have to get on the highway to get to work. It also seems like very interesting work. I've always liked doing promotional things, and although I'll just be doing administrative work, it will certainly be a learning experience. One of my duties at my new job will be preparing Powerpoint presentations for one of the salemen. I've done Powerpoint in the past, and I'm looking forward to sharpening those skills. I think I'll practice on it a little bit before I begin work. So, my last day at the library is Tuesday, February 7, and then I begin my new career (hopefully) on Thursday, February 8. I'm so excited! And a little nervous...I've been working for this library for over 8 years (including my student time). Man, is there a lot to do. Working full-time for almost 6 years has amassed a lot of stuff on my desk. I took a load home yesterday, and I plan to periodically carry more over the next couple weeks. But there's meetings to have, a manual to update, people to contact, and so forth. I could just say "Forget it" and spend the next 2 weeks playing solitaire, but that really isn't my style. No matter what it is in my life, I always work hard at it until the moment I leave. The last thing I want is to burden someone else.

- 1/26/2007


Eeeesh! Behind I get. I got excuses though, but I'm not going to whip them out on you. Here's what I am going to whip out on you...what's been going on since my last post. Let me see. I went to a party with the party group a couple weeks ago. It was ok...nothing major to report there. I'm in the midst of an aggressive job search. Want to know the good news? I got a couple interviews (finally). Two of them are today and one more is next week. I really liked the one I interviewed for this morning. We'll see if the one this afternoon is cool. And the one next week is with the State, so it's appealing to continue my employment with the State. Otherwise, it's business as usual. I'm planning a trip home to the family sometime, I've been teaching myself javascript, Cliff has been busy with a side project, and while we're still hibernating, we are peeking our heads up occasionally to see people. Maybe once I get my new job (whatever it is) I'll have more time to devote to my blog and other personal matters. Either way, at least I'll be happier.

- 1/23/2007


Ok, I got a rant for you where it's not a whiny, pathetic post about me. Think on this one...website images. Ok, let me give you the background. I left Cliff a Myspace comment with a New Year's image from a search I did on Google. Instead of doing the theiving thing and downloading the image to my computer and then uploading it to my photobucket, I simply used the image URL from the site where I found it. A couple days later, I was looking at Cliff's page again, and my image had turned into a gray box that said "Stolen from [website name]". Ok, here's my rant...why do websites do this? I didn't steal the image...I was linking directly to their page, which may give them more web traffic. If I had wanted to steal the image, I could have. Then, they wouldn't have been able to tweak it. If you don't want people linking to or downloading your images, here's a suggestion: DISABLE RIGHT CLICK. That's it...that's all you have to do. It's a java command that you can place on your website. And if you don't know how to do java, then you can Google it. I just found a page that has the script ready for cut and paste for all those people who want to protect their images. All you have to do is type in "how to disable right click" in a Google search, and voila. If you're unwilling to protect your material that way, then stop saying that we're "stealing" it when we link to your site. It's just stupid.

- 1/9/2007


Whine whine whine. That's your warning. If you don't want to read the whines of a pathetic girl, then stop reading now and visit a more fun blog. For the rest of you who actually want to read the pathetic callings of an estrogen-ridden girl, brace yourselves. I must preface this rant (which will probably be a two-parter) by saying that this is not a plea for compliments or a quest for reassurance. This is my blog and simply how I'm feeling at this precise moment. So, how am I feeling? Not very attractive. People have told me in the past that I'm pretty or whatever, but since it's all in the eye of the beholder anyway, I guess I'm the beholder who thinks that whoever thinks I'm pretty should get their eyes checked. Why do I feel this way? Because I'm a girl, of course. I don't have the capability of just brushing everything off or holding my emotions in check all the time like guys do. But you really want to know why? I don't even know how to explain it without it seeming like I'm begging for people to reassure me. Well, whatever, here it goes...I get to hear from everyone, whether they are single or taken, how much other people desire them.

Ok, don't misinterpret me. Cliff is the only man I could ever want, and I'm not searching for a replacement, substitute, or anything like that. I guess I just want to feel like I deserve to have him. And if he's the only one on this planet blind enough to think that I'm attractive and desirable, then he could do a whole lot better than me. I'm chalking these feelings up to my usual winter depression: that time of year where I'm stressed because of work and unhappy with my social life. The last time I went through this, Cliff tried to help me out of it by assuring me there are people out there who are interested but why would they let me know since I'm taken? I could buy that...except it's not true of all the other taken people who like to regale me with stories of their desirability. Maybe it's just jealousy. Maybe it's my inability to think highly of myself and to brag about myself. Maybe this is all just hormones. I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of feeling invisible.

The phone-phobic girl now looks at this device she pays for monthly only to receive an occasional call, an occasional message, and wonders if she matters to anyone. You know that quote "To the world, you are one person but to one person, you are the world"? Does that second part even pertain to me? There is one person who is the world to me, and I hope I am the world to him. But the more I hear about how everyone but myself is desired, the less I think that statement is true. This is so pathetic, but remember, I warned you.

- 1/4/2006


Satin sheets should come with a warning label. Why, you may ask. Well, I'd be happy to share with you what might be considered an embarrassing experience except for the fact that I can't control what happens in my sleep. So, for Christmas, I bought Cliff a black satin sheet set. I know, I know...it's more like a gift for the both of us since I will be enjoying them too. But we had talked about getting new linens for the bed several times because the sheets we had just didn't have deep enough pockets to totally cover the mattress and topper. So, I started looking for sheets. And since I was getting sheets anyway and it was Christmas, why not get some really nice sheets? Well, the sheets fit the bed and look nice, but I've never slept on satin sheets before. Cliff had, and he said it was different and may take some getting used to. Boy, was he right! The first night we tried them out, I was well into dreamland when I must have turned over to adjust myself (I toss and turn a lot anyway). Apparently, because of the slick fabric, I didn't have any traction. I tumbled right out of bed and woke up when I thudded on the floor. The next morning, my alarm clock went off, but my tumble had sent it to the floor. I had trouble finding it. And today my back is aching, but that could always be from something else. Either way, satin sheets need warning labels.

- 1/3/2007


Happy New Year to all! Hopefully, everyone had a great welcome to 2007. Here's how my 3-day weekend went. Saturday, New Year's Eve eve, Cliff and I hung out with a new, very cool friend for a really late night. We drank lots, told stories, listened to music, and otherwise had an interesting time, as the hours slipped away. So, guess where that left us for the actual New Year's Eve? That's right...home on the couch, recovering. We had planned to go to a party, but our disinterest in alcohol made going to the party seem very blah. So, we toasted the New Year with a bottle of sparkling grape juice (woo hoo, party!), a kiss (of course), and new pics of me for my website. I'll post those sometime soon. For New Year's Day, I did some hands and knees action by scrubbing the tile in the bathroom. Do I know how to relax on my days off or what? We journeyed to Cliff's parents' for the traditional southern New Year meal of blackeyed peas and greens, as well as lots of other yummy delights to fill our tummies. Now, it's back to work...a new year...maybe I'll actually start liking my job. And if not, at least I like my personal life.

- 1/2/2007

3/1/2007 - 3/31/2007

2/1/2007 - 2/28/2007

1/1/2007 - 1/31/2007

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