I had an awesome weekend! I met some interesting people and just had an all-around
good time. So, what does this mean? Well, it means that I'm finally emerging from my social-phobic
shell. It means I'm ready to get back out there in the thick of things. It means that I've signed
up to enjoy more events with TAC and meet more
interesting people. It means that I still know how to have fun. It means that not every person
in the world is as horrendous as the ones who did me wrong. It means I'll probably be enjoying
a lot more sleep-deprived weekends. It means that I have a whole new batch of people to tell
ferret stories to (I'll try to keep that to a minimum). It means that I have found people that
make me feel comfortable in their presence. It means that I'm happier being out there than
stuck at home. Thank goodness for shell-breaking.
- 1/31/2005
Well, I'm trying to get my life together. Tonight, I'm going to a potluck/games
night to try to meet some interesting people, I've found a walking partner, so maybe I can
start getting in shape, and I have an appointment with someone at ECPI
on Tuesday to start talking about career goals. I don't know what all this activity will lead
to. If nothing else, maybe I'll be a happier person.
- 1/28/2005
I have bad dreams sometimes. I guess everyone does. But I always have recurring
bad dreams. Usually, the subject matter is one of the 2 following situations: 1) I am back in
school taking a test I haven't studied for which will result in me being sent back to grade school;
2) all my teeth are falling out, and I try to replace them using chiclets. I know, these are rather
strange dreams. I guess if I analyzed them, they would tell me that 1) I would never wish to
endure the troubles of primary education again; and 2) I have a phobia about my teeth. I think
the phobia in the latter situation is a result from being scared of going to the dentist. The
last time I went to the dentist I had my wisdom teeth yanked out. It was the most painful surgery
ever. So, now I just don't deal with it unless I'm in pain. Probably not the best preventative
care, but it works for me.
- 1/27/2005
Maybe I should have become a teacher. Yesterday, I was trying to explain internet
cache to one of my colleagues, and it occurred to me that maybe I should try to teach people about
web design, MS applications, and other computer related issues. If I do that, I would like to
teach on the high school level. The field of teaching needs people like me right now, right? So,
maybe I should think about going back to school to get certified in teaching. If I do that, then
maybe I'll feel like I have some direction. Well, it's just a thought. I don't know if it will
actually happen.
- 1/26/2005
Health care is such a money racket. Why is it that there isn't a general practitioner
who can treat everything? I do mean everything. Like, why can't I have my dental appointments at
my regular doctor? Why does everything have to be referred to a specialist? Do you think that
perhaps the doctors who refer get a little extra money from me whenever I go to the new doctor?
I don't know...I guess I'm just tired of paying everyone who holds out their hand in the name of
medicine. Have you noticed that human doctors are split into various parts, but veternarians
treat everything? That's why I think vets are actually the superior doctors.
- 1/25/2005
Have you ever watched someone's face while they are reading a book they really
like? It's interesting to see little smiles appear when something is good or a frown when something
is not so good. I do a lot of people watching on the bus. Well, I do a lot of people watching
when I don't have my own book to read. It's really easy to tell the difference between someone
who's reading something academic, and someone who's reading something for fun. People who read for
a class usually highlight/underline and have a blank expression on their face. People who read for
fun make all kind of facial expressions as the story plays out. It's always interesting to see
someone enjoy reading. Maybe that's why I work in the library.
- 1/21/2005
"She's just like you, except she likes ferrets." Those were the words I
whispered to my college roommate when I was moving in with my ex-best friend. Well, those
words were true in so many ways. Within a few months, my college roommate and I had a
fallen out and chose to end our friendship. Then a month or so after that, my ex-best
friend kicked me out of her house and gave me a BS excuse for it. So, what is this post
about exactly? Well, I had the epiphany that I tend to run away from things a lot. Before
I left home for UNC, my mom told me that I didn't have to go to school if I still needed
some time at home. At the time, I had just been dumped by the guy I thought I loved, and
there was nothing I wanted to do more than get out of the area. Now that my college roommate,
my ex-best friend, and the old ferret club I helped all treated me like so much garbage on
the street, I'm now ready to move out of this area and go home to my family. Am I running
away? Possibly. But I think maybe I'm just not really mature enough to be out on my own. I
don't want to run home to mommy and be pampered. But I feel I need the closeness of my
family. I have found that I'm really a mimic. The people I start hanging around tend to
influence me in such a way that I start mimicking them. I know, it's very sad. But when I
lived with my college roommate, she was one of these liberal, save the world, vegetarian types,
and I found myself being drawn to trying to be like her. Then when I moved in with my ex-best
friend, she was one of these act nice to your face, complain about you behind your back type
of person, and unfortunately, I became like that while I was there...maybe I still am. I don't
want to be a mimic. I want to figure out who I am and make sure that I'm ok with that. Living
here alone doesn't really help me with that. I just need to go home and find myself.
- 1/19/2005
It's freaking cold outside! Last night, I went for a walk with someone who
is in my social group. This morning, I guess I have wind burn because my cheeks are really
red...I mean raw red. I mean it hurts to have my hair swish across my face red. And I was
all excited about starting my exercise regime. I'm still going to do it. I want to start
walking every day around lunchtime, but I'm going to have to get used to having a raw red
face. Man, I really don't like cold weather!
- 1/18/2005
I know this is hard to believe, but I'm not perfect. I have a horrible habit of
biting my nails. Then when there are no nails left to bite, I start biting the skin around my
nails. I wonder if there is a name for this. You know, like people who compulsively rip out
their hair suffer from trichotillomania. Sometimes I can beat the urge. Occasionally, I do
let my nails grow out. But ultimately, I end up biting them all off again. As for biting the
skin, I feel like I have no control over that. I keep telling myself to stop, but then I see
another place that has loose skin just dying to be ripped off. My fingers constantly have
wounds because of these weird biting urges. Man, this is a really gross post.
- 1/14/2005
Does it make me a twisted person that I like zombie movies? Well, I guess I like a
few select zombie movies...you know, the good ones. Anyway, recently I saw
Return of the Living Dead, and I forgot
how much I enjoyed that movie. The last time I saw it was probably more than 10 years ago. When
I was a little kid (yes, I know it's strange that a kid would like that type of movie), my older
sister and I would watch this movie all the time. I remember that we had it on tape, and we
watched it so much, the tape wore out. Now that I've reacquainted myself with this cult classic,
I'm thinking of buying it on DVD. I would love to see the deleted scenes and get the director's
commentary. If you haven't seen it, check it out...it's worth a watch for zombie fans.
- 1/13/2005
Those of you interested in joining a book club may want to consider joining the
Triangle Friends Book Club. Our February book to discuss is called CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC by
Sophie Kinsella. The plan for the next book club meeting is as follows:
Date: February 12
Time: 12pm
Place: Thai Villa in Raleigh
Book: CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC by Sophie Kinsella
For info about this book, click
here. For restaurant info, click
here.
Additionally, the March book club meeting is as follows:
Date: March 12
Time: 12pm
Place: TBA
Book: DREAMING SOUTHERN by Linda Bruckheimer
For info about this book, click
here.
Don't like our book/restaurant choices? Want to be involved with the planning? Anyone who wants to
be a member of this book club or even wants to just come for lunch is welcome. If you don't like the
books we have chosen and have your own ideas, please come and contribute your thoughts. We pick books
we can mutually agree upon, so your input is important.
If you would like to join us for the meeting, please contact me so we will know how many to expect. You
can reply to my email address listed at the bottom of the screen. Please include your name and email
address in your reply.
- 1/12/2005
When Daylight Savings Time ends, it really sucks. I think that's one of the
reasons I don't really like winter...well, that and cold weather. Whenever I get up and head
to work, it's dark. Whenever I get off work and head home, the sun is setting. I don't get
to experience much daylight. Now, I realize that I may not experience a lot of daylight
even when the days are long...but at least I have the option to enjoy it if I want to. During
the winter months, it's just so dark. It can definitely make anyone depressed, or at least a
little blue.
- 1/11/2005
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." How many times have we heard that phrase
uttered? I think the funny thing about that phrase is that we let the "beholder" dictate how we
feel about ourselves. Come on, be honest...how many times have you felt totally confident about
your appearance after somebody crushed your ego? I'm guessing not many. I know I'm victim of
believing the bad things people say about me and doubting the good. Why are people pessimistic
that way? Why should it matter what other people think of you? I guess the key word to that is
acceptance. All people want others to accept them.
- 1/10/2005
You know, I've already endured high school once. Now that I'm an adult and
working, I don't feel that I should have to endure the same kind of ridicule I got while
I attended high school. There isn't much I care to remember about those days, so why
would I want to participate in something that is so reminiscent of how I was treated then?
I won't elaborate on the event that spurred this rant, but I just have to say, that I'm no
longer interested in playing games or being ridiculed because I don't "follow the crowd".
I've never followed the crowd, and most times it's because I don't have the proper means to
do so.
- 1/7/2005
I heard on the news yesterday about a woman who had a court order against her
to stop procreating. This woman had 7 children from 7 different fathers, 2 which were born
addicted to cocaine, and all of them were in foster care because of her inability to care for
them. The courts ordered her to stop reproducing until she can properly care for the children
she already has. My opinion on this? I think it's really strange how in almost every aspect
of life we are required to get licenses, sign contracts, register, etc., but when it comes to
children, people can have them willy-nilly. Think about it:
Want to drive? Get a license.
Need a home? Sign paperwork/contracts to buy or rent.
Want a spouse? Marriage license.
Voting for your president? Registering...
And on and on and on.
But having children, where the reproducing party now has responsibility for a human life, can be
done as a thoughtless or sometimes selfish act with no involvement from the government. I feel
that people should be licensed before they can have children, to be honest. There are too many
people who use children as a commodity to get more welfare or more food stamps or more child
support. Look at it this way, if the government has to pay the parents welfare or has to care for
the children in foster limbo, then shouldn't the government have say-so over whether or not the
parents of that child should be able to reproduce more they can't care for?
It's too easy to have children and then not take care of them. It's too easy to get pregnant and
then kill the baby. And the ACLU should NOT have more power than the US government...why are they
allowed to have more?
- 1/6/2005
Do you realize how worthless daytime TV is? Yesterday, I took a sick day from
work because somehow I hurt my back, and I'm battling some sort of laryngitis. Anyway, I sat
around during the afternoon and caught up on those wonderful talk shows and court shows. I
can't believe how low this country has sunk. Well, I guess I can believe it because here I
am watching those shows and contributing to the ratings. Whatever happened to good old
fashioned shows that have actual actors? You know...the people who get paid to be on TV?
Now, it seems that any Tom, Dick, or Harry can have their own show...given they have a few
bucks to give to the network. Man, I really need a life.
- 1/5/2004
5...4...3...2...1...Happy New Year! Ok, I know this is 3 days late, and I must
confess that I wasn't up when the ball dropped. I hit the sack around 11:30pm, but I did get
rudely awaken at 1:30am by people shooting off fireworks in the parking lot. I'm pretty sure
that's against the rules in my apartment complex. Wow, I sound like such a scrooge! Anyway,
that's beside the point. The point is that I'm hoping 2005 will be a much better year than
2004. I realize that it could always be worse, but that's unlikely. I'm looking forward to
the new year and all the opportunities I may have. So, what are my new year's resolutions?
Hmmm, I've been thinking of that one, and there are a couple of things I would like to do. I
would like to rebuild my relationship with God and meet and greet with people who share my
religious views. I would like to become more physically active and get out and about more. I
would like to get out of my social-phobic shell and do more things with the
social group I'm involved with. I
would like to find more volunteer opportunities and figure out what I want to do in the way of
giving to worthy causes. I would like to continue to rebuild my relationship and communication
with members of my family. I would like to continue working on behalf of the ferrets through
FerSa. I would like to be a better housekeeper,
even though I live by myself. I would like to become more assertive towards people who believe
I am a push-over. I would like to become less cynical and negative about people and their
motives. Ok, so maybe that was a little more than a couple...but I know there are a lot of
things I need to do to improve my life.
- 1/3/2005
